Battle of the Sucky Emotions

The thing about stupid decisions is that you can usually sniff them out a mile away. When a guy you met only the night before tells you your adorable, you know you’ve got a B.S.er on your hands. Bad idea. Don’t do it. Remember that you love what’s-his-name.

But is it just me, or do those stupid decisions have some aura of appeal?

It’s not that the guy tempts you, it is the chance that does. You know you’ve never done something like that before, and it has that exciting thrill surrounding it. After all, it’d be a one-time thing. Zip,bam,boom, it’s over. And you never have to look at the bozo again. It has a simplicity that you wish actual relationships had.

What a double-downer. See, you either turn Mr. Bullshit down, and remain in love with someone who has pissed you off majorly, or you can provoke Mr. Bullshit and feel guilty and awful for all eternity, but get that insane thrill of doing something bad.

It’s a stupid situation. Even though I’m pissed off, I could never challenge Mr. Bullshit into doing anything. Mr. PissOff means too much to me, and I couldn’t stand myself if I hurt him. The real temptation is calling him and yelling and listening when he yells and work it out and remain in love. But PissOff is at work. Great.

Why am I mad at Mr. PissOff? Well, let’s see…

there’s the “well aren’t you a great friend” comment

the remark about “I don’t pity you. Oh, boo hoo, he’s mad at me…” 

the ever critical “you don’t even know how to do it right”

and, from a previous encounter,

(the subject was sexual)

“why? So you can cry again?”

So basically I’m extremely pissed. Look, I know I wasn’t in the best condition when most of these comments were said, but that’s really no reason to get me down and then keep kicking me. My intent was only to find somewhere to go. Instead, I got a Dad-inspired lecture and a general feeling of “you fucked up, you’re so stupid, and I will hold this against you even though I’m not mad at you, get out.” And maybe that’s not fair of me to say, maybe it was only concern on his part. But that is just how it felt. And boy did it feel shitty on top of my worry. I try to help my friends…I really care about being there for them…

I know who I am, and the decision I’ll make.

Sometimes, though, being stupid sounds better than being smart and stuck in a stupid situation.

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About diagnosemylife

Okay, if I can't keep all this stuff about my life in my head, how do you expect me to shove it in this little box?

Posted on 08/31/2012, in This Whole "Life" Thing, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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