The Test You Will Always Fail
In some ways, living with your parents is life’s great test.
Okay, no it’s not, but it sure feels that way when you’re listening to them scream about who should cut the lawn at nine o’clock in the morning.
Let’s think about this here. In childhood, you need these people; they are your entire support system. Then when you are a teenager, can drive, have a job (as crappy as it may be, but a job), can vote, fight for your country, and start planning out your future based on what you want, you don’t really feel like you need them, they’re just these crazy people you live with that pay your bills and sometimes give out free food. But alas, you still need a support system, one for dealing with them. It sort of seems like a punishment for being born.
These people are the ones you get your name from, your physical traits, your migraines, and your personality. They are the ones who created the environment that either makes you a neat freak, a slob, a whatever. They are the ones responsible your memories of painful family reunions, scarring trips to Disney World, and getting your photo taken with that creepy guy dressed up like Santa in the mall (and seriously, where do they find those guys?!). Basically, THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE. So sometimes that can soften the blow of having a sixth toe.
And yet….these crimes they are guilty of do not always make it okay in our minds to have to listen to, “Okay, so your father and I’s anniversary is tomorrow, so we’d appreciate it if you and your sisters could make plans for the night. Unless you’d like to hear the creation of your next sister.”
I don’t know about you, but that is not okay, my friends, that is not okay. However, there is hope! Yes, hope I say, because no one who lives with parents like these lives with them forever. There is always the comfort of knowing that one day you will be on your own. Or dead. Whichever comes first. And so you will be away from your mom’s awful tuna casserole recipe for all eternity.
It is a strange hope. At nine thirty, when the house is finally quiet and you have decided to just stay at home all day rather than risk your mother’s wrath, it is a strange, liberating feeling to know that someday you won’t have to make that choice. Someday you will not have to witness your dad walking around in his bathrobe, someday you can walk into your bathroom without a sense of dread. Even though you may be stuck with these crazy people for now, you know in the back of your head you won’t be stuck forever. All of this suffering will have been paid off, and you can look forward to it taking out on your future children.
Because after all, what fun is it to not let your children discover the joy of hearing their parents tell their friends about the time they wet their pants on the first day of second grade?