Wonderful, Broken Words
Over the years, after my many mishaps and ridiculous affairs, I’ve come to believe that no relationship is permanent. That’s pretty easy to accept when people have left you alone…it softens the blow and lets you believe it’s not always your fault. But let’s actually think about it. Your relationships with your parents can become incredibly strained, if not broken. Friends can be lost with the passing years, and romance is only alive when sustained. And if all that fails, there’s the knowledge that someday we’ll all die, as bitter as it sounds. My point is, if this is acknowledged by a person, why does it still hurt so much when someone leaves us? Ding ding ding! It’s our emotions!! Oh, yeah, those things.
Someone can say the magic of “I really care about you,” “I love you,” “I’ll always be there for you,”. But no one can make them last forever. It’s always alive in moments, and the more time passes in between that moment and the present it can betray you.
Lately I’ve been wishing Landon hadn’t said all those sweet things to me. First of all, it sucks to kiss and hold someone you cannot be with, because of a stupid reason like, “we are both so busy that we would never get to see another enough.” It’s not fair, and it hurts to accept, especially every time you are close with them. However, you know what sucks more? When they are completely oblivious to your existence from then on, and no longer make that much of an effort to talk to you. Yeah, um, asshole, I thought you told me we would be there for each other and be “great friends”. What the hell happened to that idea?!
Because of my lack of time and lack of solution to this hurt, I’m going to keep this post shorter than usual. All I want to know is how someone can do such a thing, no matter how shy they are. This is a guy I’ve known for years, and I know he is not mean-spirited enough to just use someone… But is it possible that he’s really changed his mind? The possibility of that hurts, but what hurts more is the memory of him saying he’d always be there for me, would never want to hurt me….because he hasn’t and he did.