‘Tis The Season To Yawn

It’s Christmas Eve. Or December 24th if you’re not into the whole Christmas scene. Even though right now I’m supposed to be having happy family memories or baking or wrapping gifts to Bing Crosby Christmas carols, I’m not. I’m here writing to you people, who probably understand me more than Bing or my family ever will.

As you can probably tell by that passive-aggressive comment, I’m not exactly on great terms with my family at the moment. But first things first.

So that last post I put up was a bit vague and abrupt. Guess I’ve got some explaining to do. Well, someone who knows me personally thought it would be the “right thing to do” to tell my school guidance counselor about my blog. I guess all my little comments about cutting myself freaked them out, since it’s such a cheery topic and all. Anyway, it ended up with my mom yelling at me for being so depressed and threatening to not send me to college if I didn’t start to get better. Gee, thanks for having my back Mom.

I don’t really want to talk about the rest. It’s still pretty upsetting even though I’m not angry anymore.

Anyway, I’ve missed writing this stuff so onto what I wanted to talk about: the holidays. A time for giving people gifts to show them how much you truly appreciate them, which I love. And also a time to waste money on people who give you gifts and so you feel obligated to return the favor, even though you don’t really like them. Oh, and then there’s some religious stuff thrown in for good measure.

It used to be this time of year where everyone smiled and acted nicer. Now that I’m older, it’s this time where everyone is crying from all their stress about finals. And you are completely broke. Fah la la lala, FAIL. To put it in a realistic perspective, I have 14 cents in my checking account. But back to Christmas past, where everyone put up Christmas lights and drank hot chocolate and elementary schools did not get shot up.

Alright, I know I’m being depressing as hell. The thing is, I just never got into the holiday spirit this year. I feel like it’s still November. No one’s really been smiling in my family. Especially not to me. The Christmas lights are up, the tree is decorated, but they are just inanimate objects now. They don’t mean anything like they used to.

You know what I really want for Christmas? For my parents to like me again. To get to see my man-friend without pissing them off. To spend time with my friends just relaxing, not running all over the place, making other people be happy and not ourselves.

I want to feel useful again. I want to feel like people are genuinely happy that I am in their lives. Like Christmas is supposed to be.

Guess this is an awfully Scrounge-esque post. If you are having a wonderful holiday, please enjoy every second of it! If you’re totally understanding everything I’m saying, I hope it gets better for the both of us. Truth be told, I’ve been very happy lately…when I’m not home.

Santa, you materialistic bastard, can you bring happiness to my family?


About diagnosemylife

Okay, if I can't keep all this stuff about my life in my head, how do you expect me to shove it in this little box?

Posted on 12/24/2012, in This Whole "Life" Thing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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