As someone who has chronic depression, it’s not surprising that when I am disappointed I have to put up major defenses to make sure I don’t let it go too far. You have to fight to be happy, and when you have depression you have to make sure you’re fighting with full body armor and some serious artillery. What I mean by that, is that you have to work to be happy, and be your happiness in safe places.
For instance, putting 80% of your happiness in the stability of your life can lead to trouble when life gives you sudden changes. What if you have to move? What if someone dies? What if a hurricane destroys your home? Plus you have the side effects of being a control freak.
Today I had a little test of one of my happy places. See, I’ve been dating this guy for some time now, and I care about him a lot. So, I get a bit antsy about seeing him, especially because he doesn’t live close by. I was really hoping after work I could go see him for a while. After all, I have school tomorrow and I need something to get me through that nastiness. But then he texted me that he was visiting his family, which comes before cuddling and playing Portal (video game). So I was left stuck in work’s boredom without something to look forward to…yippee. However, to try to salvage my evening, I went to this store I’ve been meaning to go to since I have a gift card. I bought a really cute dress. But when I got home I began to feel grumpy because I’ve been home a lot lately due to snow. It’s so boring and lonely sometimes…I texted one of my friends to see what they were doing. No reply. I listened to a sad song on repeat and tried to sleep. No dice. I ate a couple of brownies and tried watching a TV show I like. Eh. So, I went online to this scholarship site I have an account on. And, instead of becoming stressed and crummy, you know what I did? I decided to sit my butt down and crank out an essay. And I did! And I felt great about how it turned out!
I know this post isn’t exactly riveting, but I’m just so proud of myself for turning this night around. Little stuff like this are big accomplishments when you add up the whole depression solution, I guess. It’s great to distract yourself and be busy, but you also have to be able to handle being by yourself and the down-time, too. Which is pretty difficult for me, I’ll admit. So sharing this stuff makes it easier for me to have faith that I can do this all the time.
If you have anything you’re glad you did lately, even if it’s something like cleaning your bathroom or going through all your junk mail, I’d be happy to hear about it! Feel free to leave comments! We all can accomplish something everyday that makes ourselves proud; I don’t know about you, but I’m going to try to make that happen more often!