Caring About Mistakes/Mistakes About Caring
“It is never a mistake to care for someone.”
That quote right there is from the movie Radio, in case you’ve never seen it. Now, when you look at the people who have betrayed you, say maybe promised you they’d always be there for you, slept with you, and then completely ignored you after the fact, it’s a little hard to not call that a mistake. Trust can be a fickle thing, and trusting someone with your heart is always a big leap of faith. But this quote takes me back to a time where I was friends with anyone who would share their Barbies with me, to when caring for someone was as easy as agreeing to a second piece of pie. Now, as kids it is not that we never disliked anyone, but when you think about the reasons you never liked them they seems a bit more pure than when you are older. When you are a kid you don’t like people who are violent, cruel, controlling, or upset the people you love. People are black and white, good or bad, and you never feel guilty for judging them in that way. When you’re older, you dislike people for many many reasons: reputation, back-stabbing, their annoyances, etc. And maybe some of those reasons exist when you’re a kid, but…it’s never that black and white. Maybe you also feel sorry for them, maybe you’re also jealous. Maybe you’re just feeling cranky that day. Maybe they are actually your best friend. And so when you care about people, you are wary that someday your feelings towards them might turn sour.
In my last post it’s pretty clear the I was pissed. I was so ready to march right up to Landon and let him have it. Now I have stopped, considered. Last night in this dream I had I confronted Landon. Somehow he tried to convince me he wanted to be with me again, but I felt wrong when he slipped his arm around me. “What about the guy I am with right now?” my dream-self thought, “Landon can’t just waltz back into my life now, especially after I found someone who is actually right for me! My boyfriend treats me like a saint, I’d go through hell and back before giving him up!” By the end of the dream Landon had left me sobbing anyway, sobbing and alone, wondering what the hell I did wrong. So, basically, the dream was one giant recap of what happened between us in real life.
When I woke up I was still stuck on that thought, though: “I have my boyfriend. The last thing I want is a guy who treats me like Landon did! So why the hell do I care what he has to say?” The bottom line is that there is no excuse to treat someone like that.
I know all these posts about Landon and what happened between us are very subjective…he doesn’t treat everyone in his life like he treated me, and over all, he’s a decent person. This is one situation where miscommunication is key, so my side of the problem could be one giant mistake.
Although, I know one thing that is true…I cared about him. And he made the mistake when he took that for granted.