The Quest Continues…
The sea of graduation parties continues, and here I find myself on the road with my parents—of all people. Apparently, no one has these parties over the actual week, so during the week I have to figure out how to not drive myself crazy. (As a result, the amount of time I spend online absolutely sickens me). This is why I’m sitting in the car with my parents right now, discussing the flaws of the US educational system. Because traveling a few towns south is more interesting than exploring Pinterest for the umpteenth time.
Generally, so far this summer I’ve been avoiding my parents. They tend to drive me absolutely crazy, like most parents of teens. Anymore when I talk to them we end up arguing, or I’m just super annoyed. Besides, even just being in the same house with them is enough—I get to hear their bickering, their TV shows blaring, smell the strange food they cook. They love to ridicule me for staying up in my room all the time, but the reasons to stay up there are astronomical. Mainly, the fact that it is the only place in the house that is actually mine. Quiet, but colorful. Full of music and books, comfortable blankets and pillows. Impeccably clean when I want, messy when I don’t care… It’s too bad they don’t see it like I do.
Anyway, the place we are going has really good pizza, and just a nice vibe in general. Small, historic, sunny and warm. I’ve wanted to go back there for a while, and I guess this is my only shot at doing it without paying for gas. Granted, I’ve been wanting to go there with my boyfriend or a friend, but where is he? My friends I’ve seeing all the time at these parties, but at the same time I haven’t seen him in what feels like weeks. I miss him a lot.
It’s funny about missing people… The less you’re around them, the less you are inclined to care about them, yet you still do. Most of the time I find myself missing people, I am telling myself to not care. Because if they aren’t there, isn’t that their choosing? Besides, I am the master at pretending things don’t bother me when they do–what’s wrong with a little practice? The funny thing about missing people, though, is that the more you try not to miss them, the more you end up missing them anyway.
I guess all I can do is try convincing myself he feels the same and try not to think about it. If I over think this, I can let a lot of insecurity screw things up in my head, which will leak into my relationship.
Alas, the quest to sort things out continues. If things go right, tonight I’ll be with my friends once more seeing a movie and not worrying about being bored or lonely. And maybe before that I will clean out my room for college more (which oddly makes me happy). I’ll even consider going to the gym. To some people, this isn’t much of a life I’m living, but to me I’m taking things one step at a time. And that’s enough.