It’s funny how some places make you feel old and others make you feel young. In a college town, I’m considered a little freshman. Back home, I’ve moved on from the tedious activities I found stimulating in high school, like hanging out with the people who still are a part of it. I know that sounds super asshole-ish of me to say, because this time last summer I had just graduated, but from the moment my parents dropped me off at campus high school became a distant dream. My hopes and worries became completely different from those of my old peers. And hanging around the high school became really…lame.
But anyway, today I have a graduation party to go to. Last Saturday I went to one which was nice enough, but made me really glad I decided to not have a graduation party last summer. People were crammed into this guy’s bedroom watching this one guy mess around with Minecraft, a video game I find as boring as its name. Since I came late, I opted to stay outside on the porch and nibble on the food. My friends came out and joined me, and we all stayed out there the entire time. I know it was pretty rude and anti-social of us, but it was nice out and the room was crammed full of some decent people sprinkled with truly insufferable asses. I never really got a chance to catch up with the guy who threw the party, a guy I knew since he was a little freshman, and never got to see his face as he read the card I gave him. I spent around an hour on the card, and even though there wasn’t any money or anything in it, I was pretty heartfelt in it. But there was this box out front for cards, so I had to slip it in there instead, like an anonymous complaint or something. I just hope this party is a bit less awkward. At least this time my boyfriend can go with me, so I will have him by my side to make the sight of my ex and his new girlfriend less annoying. Since we all belong to the same friend group, they show up to a lot of these events and act very cold and uncomfortable towards me and my friends. That’s another thing about this small town that I’m not super thrilled about.
But things with my boyfriend are still super great, if not even super greatER. I don’t even know what to mention specifically…it’s everything. We understand each other so well and are constantly finding out new things about the other person. This summer has been a lot about experiencing new things together so far; we’ve gone to concerts, a carnival, thrift shopping, movies, reading new/old books together…. It’s just the most beautiful, amazing, exhilarating feeling to look at the person next to you, and find them looking back. That’s the simplest way I can put it.
In other news, I’ve started working at a daycare with a few of my friends. The Pros: I get weekends off, evenings off after 6 o’clock, and get to roll into work at 11:30 so I can sleep in. My co-workers are nice or at least decently polite, and I get to complain with my friends after work. The Cons: Poopy diapers, bosses only concerned with covering their asses, kids that don’t mind you (especially during nap time), getting hit in the face with toys, and recess during hot afternoons. I talk about the daycare a lot, and am surprised at how much I don’t mind working there despite the fact that I have never really liked kids. It’s exhausting work, but I am determined to get through it, week by week. Besides, some of the kids are actually growing to like me a bit (not sure why though… I’m usually a big hard ass with them) which is nice in its own weird way. I’ve talked about it with my boyfriend, and have decided that the biggest lesson the daycare has taught me is to not let our future kid turn out to be an asshole.
Other than the daycare, hanging out with my boyfriend and friends, and doing activities like concerts and grad parties, my mission is to do something about my disaster of a room. I haven’t exactly unpacked, and my bed frame broke so my mattress is on the floor, and I’ve been going through my old toys and papers and things… it’s a wreck, and I want to just get my own place already so I won’t have to do all this constant packing and unpacking and moving my life from place to place. I don’t belong here, I don’t belong there… One thing I miss about high school is the permanence.
Anyway, that’s my life this summer so far. It’s a lot less depressing than my last post, and probably sounds incredibly boring. I’m okay with that.
It’s July! June has officially passed and the days leading up to my college education are getting shorter. Responsibilities are calling, and I’m doing a mixture of avoiding it and embracing it. So much to do… get my transcripts sent from my dual enrollment high school courses to the admissions office, take off work for summer registration, move my psychiatrist appointment around, finish the book I started weeks ago, buy things for my dorm, set up a savings account so I’ll quit blowing graduation money on gas and food… But then there are other things, like my boyfriend’s 21st birthday, and my first day at my new job (which is today!) that are coming up, which are exciting. I just have to keep myself balanced in order to not become super stressed. I have to relax, but not too much, or else I will get mad at myself for being lazy. I have to keep busy, but not so busy that I neglect myself. What a pain in the rear life can be…
But yes! My first day at my new crew job eat McDonald’s is today! Finally I will be making a bit of money again! I’m planning on keeping my skating rink job as well, but I may have to cut that out if McDonald’s needs me to. I’m looking forward to this…I remember my very first day at work ever, the spring of my sophomore year. I ended up crying, so frustrated at myself for not knowing the register’s buttons quick enough. This time, though, I have experience behind me. On the first day of my rink job I learned how to come out of my shell and be easy around coworkers without weeks passing. I’m confident that my first day at McDonald’s will be nothing to worry about. Sure, I know I’ll be a little frustrated again, but I’ll give myself a break, because I know now that no one gets everything perfect on the first day. Besides, it’ll be something to do, rather than just sitting around the house, earning zip. As long as you’re friendly to people, they’ll usually cut you some slack.
My boyfriend’s birthday is Friday, and one thing I have not slacked off about is his birthday present (which is usually the sort of thing I’d forget about until the last minute, I’ll admit). I won’t reveal what it is because I know he sometimes reads this, but I am very very excited to give it to him! You know, since I mention him fairly often on this I probably should give him a name, but for some reason I’ve hesitated, even right at the beginning when I wasn’t sure if what the heck would ever come of us. For everyone else I have given some sort of pseudonym, but I feel like I should consult him before I decide such a thing. After all, he is the only boyfriend I have had that has read this, besides one time when I showed Landon a few posts. I wouldn’t even tell my first boyfriend the name of this for fear that he should look it up. So why this guy? I don’t know…I guess I just feel like he believes in me, you know? Like he thinks I could actually be someone worth reading, or maybe that I already am… There are ramifications to his reading this, though. From the beginning, when he first told me he was reading, I immediately went to the what-if-I-get-mad-at-him-and-want-to-write-about-what-a-poohead-I-think-he-is place. And then there is also, what-if-we-break-up-and-he-reads-about-how-sad-or-mad-or-regretful-or-even-happy-I-am? He did tell me that he would stop reading if I didn’t want him to. But quickly I told him I didn’t mind because I knew that if I was ever feeling depressed and too ashamed to say something, I would write and he would know. And he could come and sit with me, or bring me doughnuts, or call. And luckily that has never happened because a) my depression has not acted up in quite a while (knock on wood!) and, b) I have never been afraid to tell him how I’m feeling.
And besides, he does have stuff to do. I know he doesn’t spend every night pouring over this stuff. Life is keeping both of us busy, which is good…I hope.